It's a Free World Order: The Art of Craig's List

There's an art called Craig's list?

Well, no.  But there should be.  You should have an assignment to create "art" with five free items you find on Craig's list.  And I bet... you'd get thousands for the effort.

In NYC there's something missing.  What?  Why I aughta.....!

Okay, there cranberry muffin, I'll walk it to you... it's okay... Yes: There's something missing.  "What, pray tell, is it Timmy?"
First: Don't say "pray tell," it confuses me.  Like soy milk.  And cheese parties.  Second: Yes, there is something missing and it's... space.  People don't have much space around the city.  So what happens when you have people all crammed into small spaces with no where to put things?  You end up with free like-new sofas; I know that much.  Not to mention the fact that you end up with free furniture across the board.  I mean... have you even seen the free section of Craig's List?

Go ahead then.  Have a look then: 

Now... careful there skippy.  If you see one of these:

 

Go ahead and catch your breath.  They will just send you an exe file and tell you how cool the truck is if you just click on it.  Um... I hear.  I'd never be that stupid myself.  I'm savvy.  Like bread.  Huh?  I know what savvy means.

But, my little blueberry-butter pancakes, if you see this:

 

...Go ahead and pick up your new piano.

Problem is... where are you gonna put it?  Think it through before you go get your free sofa.

Stay with me.  For a while.

And, if you will...

Stay alert.

Timmy Daniels.  "He's alright" 

The Free Press, Free

Welcome to:

VS

I bought a paper in New York City once and I didn't read or even look at it for a week.  The cost was ... I don't know.  Something!?  My point is: why?  Why would you pay for a newspaper in New York City?  Everything is free here, remember?  You've been tuning in weekly right?  Donating to the good fight?

Now you're learning.  Now, I'm NOT saying to stop supporting your local newspaper.  Coming from a jouralistic background I say that if you are spending $5 on a coffee... go the extra mile there champ and pay 50 cents with your left-over pocket change and support a dying business.  But if you're like me and you just walked into a bank only for the free coffee... we should talk.

Now that we're all on the same newspaper page, let's dance.  Okay... 
There are a ton of free newspapers in the city.  In all cites.  In Tampa, even the main newspapers also created free versions.  One was called TBT and was great.  In NYC, there seems like one per 10 blocks.  The best?  The NYC Metro and AMNY.  The New York City Metro recently had an article about how they were read by like 1.5 million people or so.  That's based on my zero memory of numbers, but you get the banana.

The best thing about the free papers, honestly... is that there is less reading, more activity.  And, might I add: MORE FREE STUFF.  Honestly, if you want to stay up-to-date on what's free in the city, honestly, there's no better consistent place to look than the paper.
Especially because it catered to a younger crowd and sums up the news.

So walk up to an Orange Metro stand and pull one out today and heck, take the AMNY too while you're at it.  They are all over the place.  All the cool kids are reading them.  Are you?


That being said... how would you like to read the Sunday New York Times... for free?   It's $5 on Sunday and $6 elsewhere and has probably $10,000 worth of coupons (again: based on my zero ability with numbers).  How about Monday... you know... at 7-8pm when you were going to get around to reading it anyway.  Sure... then just go to a little park located on the corner of Broadway and 31st right by the Jersey subway.  One of those corners will have all of the throw-away Sunday papers.  Don't say I didn't feed ya baby kittens.

Stay on it.  And stay safe.  But mostly...

Stay alert.

Timmy Daniels

Free Glass of Booze, Anyone?

I'm kidding. Oh wait. No... I'm not.

Please go to This Link for details.

Timmy Daniels says: Free What?  Free huh?  Keep talking.

Don't say I play around. Say I stay alert.

Timmy Daniels - "helping with your buzz"

Stay alert.

Trashy Much? Yes; Yes, I Do

I had a dear friend in my party days who was an interesting man.  He looked like Tom Petty and partied like Keith Richards and knew fun like Hunter S Thompson.  And he could handle his substances like a champ.  He was (and still is) a good man.  He was generous, had many things, and was above all: fun and always giving.  How did a dude who partied like punk overlords afford to give away a stream of wonderful things like guitars and hats and nicknacks?  Read on, my rasberry-apple slurpies...

[Or for you younger puppies: Partied like Justin Bieber.  Whoever's responsible for that mess, now's the time to act.  Who wants to read about an embryo strutting around like a rock musician while making pop-love songs about pre-teens and looking like a caricature of a Hasbro Boy Band action figure.]

My buddy Tom Petty (Let's just call him Paco) had (and still has) a great place to just hang out, play the guitar and have fun.  He always had access to money, party material, and good times.  His house looked like your average house of the hoarder... but it was filled with wonderfully interesting things.  There were mechanical beetles, lion statues, handheld video games of all sorts and sizes, tools, vintage clothing which you could try on and take if you wanted. There were also hats of all kinds and sizes, which he would give to you if you tried one on and liked it (I often did).  It was seriously endless.  And fun.

Once, he came back home and needed help with some chairs which were vintage, a giant sword, and a big screen TV.  Where did he get these things?  Not at the store.

He got them in the trash.

Or from someone closing down a yard sale.  But alas: someone threw them out and he took them in; and you would never be able to tell the difference of those and things he bought.

Now.  I hear what you're not saying out loud.  You're saying: "Timmy... you've slipped on a doggie turd, man: that's just crazy talk."

Not really.  Why?  The stigma?  Fear?  Weirdness?  Nothing at all is weird about it, I assure you.  If someone is having a garage sale... and it's the end of the day... and they say: "You know what sir... if you can just haul away that dresser that I just bought but my wife didn't like..." (this actually happened to me in college) "...then I'll tell you what: It's Free."  Now... what if I had seen that same exact new dresser just an hour later... when he had haplessly dragged it to the curb and put a "free" sign on it.  THEN would I be a dirtbag for grabbing it?  Just when exactly does it get weird to take something that another person doesn't want?  If I offered you a $20 bill, you would take it, right?  But I'm assuming if I said instead: I don't want this... anyone can have it... and threw that $20 on top a garbage can... you wouldn't?

Another thing is just before people throw things out is the place to act.  Have you even SEEN the "free" NYC section in Craig's List?  You'll never wanna buy something again.  Please do though --> it is a Capatalist society after-all.  Go consumerism.  But the best consumers price out and rock beats scissors, free beats paid.

Let's all fess up.  We've all had that moment.  That moment when you look at something at the side of a curb and you go: "What the what?  Why are they throwing that away. " Well... here's something cool: If you are a visitor you may not know this, but in NYC, there's people pulling things from the trash constantly for millions of reasons.  People in suits casually pull a paper off the top of the trash to give a quick read and then set it back down.  Bums circle the trash like buzzards.  When it rains, someone may take a broken umbrella set to the side of a can because it works, but one side droops due to a wind gust.  And it goes on....

There is such limited space here that the most common thing I see: Suitcases.  I have a samsonite myself... you?  Where'd I get it?  Park Avenue.  Next to the curb.  The person that set it out there KNEW someone wanted it.  So he even took the time to set it close enough to the trash to let you "know," but not so close that anything got on it.  And that's just how it goes in NYC.

Listen: Get over yourself.  It's not a big deal.  Now I'm not saying to put on some gloves and look for a meal here.  But if there's something next to the trash, chances are good that someone is glad that you took it and it didn't go to the waste dump.  They set it on the trash instead of in for a reason.  Do them a favor and go ahead and take it.

I'm gonna keep using my Samsonite, backpack, and last-season scarves (a store had a "free" box) and carry on.  And I'm gonna finish this sandwich.

That I bought.  Now you're just getting weird with it, foodies.


Stay Happy, Stay Away from the Train Tracks... and please...

Stay Alert.

Timmy Daniels
The TimmyFreeWay

Watch TV shoes... Ahem: for free

It was a Thursday, as I recall, cold, windy but tolerable in my giant coat.  I was drifting in thoughts as I walked by the Ed Sullivan Theater... A giant, unmissable sign read: "Late Show with David Letterman..." And I admit, I was excited.  I took a picture.  I do that.  Often.

There was a line of people there.  (They are in the picture).  I wondered: "what, pray tell, are they doing there."  I'm not sure why I wondered that, because I had a pretty good idea: they were there to watch Letterman.  Let's face it: I was pretty sure they weren't there to watch a Burlesque.  

I asked someone in line: "what, pray tell, are you doing here."  That day I was utilizing the underutilized "pray tell" verbiage all day as a gag... That no one liked or even understood.  And I got an answer I did.  They were in line to see Letterman... And they didn't pay a dime. "They are indeed artful consumers!" I yelled with glee.

So I inquired how to see the show, as my story goes.  I was told: come back!  "Come back, my dear friend!"  (This whole memory unfolds like Broadway in my mind for some reason).  I was then directed to the times:

On Saturday I came back and was excited... I talked with the friendlies inside about my wasted life of comedy.  (I thought they cared, but they didn't.  Sniff).  I signed, put my friends name down as a guest... And expected that was the end of that.  These things don't actually happen to some blerg that just moved from Tampa to the big city.

On Sunday, I received a Voice Mail directing me to call back if I wanted to watch Letterman.  On Monday I was in the seats.  Minus my friend, who had to take off.  My friends do that.  Maybe I'm embarrassing to be around.

And what did I pay?  $495.39.

Just kidding:  it was free.

And quite awesome I might add.  I would show you pictures from inside, but I didn't take any, that's illegal. ;-)

Stay safe, my apple dumplings.

Timmy

The Key to the City: Free Subway Rides Part III

Here's a way you could get Unlimited Subway rides... for years to come: Purchase the Key to the City.

What?  Are we talking about the Mayor coming by and... 

Nope.  He's too busy for you.  And you need to do something about that mess in the living room.  What I'm actually talking about here... is the key... that a few MTA workers (and a few lucky citizens who don't mind risking arrest) which will open the exit to any subway transit area to bypass the turnstiles.  I'd rehash the article about it, but you can pretty much read all about it here:  Magic Keys  Make sure not to tell them Timmy sent ya.  Especially if you end up in Rikers, you crazy fool.

Stay Alert and Stay Safe my cream filled cannoli puffs,

Timmy

Free Education in New York City - Free DVDs - From the largest association of it's kind

If I told you right now, that I could get you the equivalent of a Netflix/Blockbuster type system, where you can rent entire television series, on dvd, for free: would you be in?  How about if I told you that the same system is like a Barnes and Noble that loans you New Release best-selling books?  And if I told you there's free computer access, free computer classes, bathrooms in New York city as well as training, self-improvement, art, and education classes... all for free?  What would you pay to combine all of these into one, low, monthly price?  How about free?  That a fair price?

Did you know that collectively the largest library system on the face of the planet is located in your New York City?  It's true.  It must be, because I overheard a tour guide telling people this about a month ago.  Never-the-less, it's certainly a large and majestic system, filled with a wealth of information.  But one thing that constantly surprises me... is that people tend to avoid taking advantage of the amazing things it provides.

The New York Public Library (NYPL) is more than amazing for a simple comedy writer: I am able to read a stream of related material that has yet to find a stopping point.  And at the same time... there are classes in:

1. Keyboarding class for free

2. Learn to use an iPad for free

3. Learn to use the Internet for free

4. Introduction to Microsoft Word for free

5. Learn shopping online for free

6. Advanced email for free (your grandmother or mother needs to take this class, doesn't she?)

7. Underwater basket weaving... for free.  (I have not fact-checked this class. But I saw the pool).

8. MS Excel for beginners for free

9. Free classes for kids that are endless: free art classes, writing classes, I even saw a class on how to design a cubcake: Here's the link

10 Learn to search the internet for free

Get the picture?  Even in my narrow field, I took a class in how to become a better public speaker for free, read three books with Stand-Up comedy in the actual name, and had the greatest urination of all time.

Okay... remember when I said that I had the greatest urination of all time?  That was inappropriate.  I've been a little stressed lately.  I know.  I'll scramble to take a Yoga class for free and then perhaps relax in a free meditation class:

Here's the actual class listings:

1. Meditation

2. Yoga

So get with it, my little blueberry cobblers; the world of education is at your fingertips!

Until of course, they take it all away.  So there's that.

Right now the NYPL is looking at a $47 million dollar budget cut.  Do the city and the tourists a favor and sign the petition on the website it's uh... free: http://www.nypl.org/

Stay Alert and Keep Reading!  

This is only the third day of my launch and already there has been a traffic volume which doubles every day.  So thanks for sharing!