Did you know that (according to the AMNY newspaper - June 5, 2013 issue) around 96% of NYC residents are within a 10 minute walk to a park? If you did, come here: I would like to give you a Green Star and a healthy butt smack. Way to go. You win.
What's better than a park? Well, a comedy show for one, but during the day? First of all it's a cheaper workout than a $100/month gym membership. And second of all, when's the last time you actually enjoyed the beauty of a park, like the majestic Central Park? A while, eh? That's what I thought. Shame. A shame upon the house of thee.
Okay. No shame. Just a touch of remorse. I mean, seeing that 20% of the city is made of park, what are you doing exactly? Walking around them? (...20% According to: same newspaper, same bat-issue/bat-date). Again: feel the shame. Let it sink in... go ahead.
Now log out and go to the park. After you leave a comment below about how wonderful it would be to donate to this site on the Help link above. That poor comedian. What's he do with himself?
Eh? Can't hear you. I'm not online. I'm taking a free juggling class at the park. It exists. Like ghosts and Frankenberry Cereal.
The author of this post was Timmy Daniels.
He is a poor comedian living in NYC in a car.
Thanks to the NYC Public Library for offering free WiFi! Stay Open Later...
And to the readers: Stay Alert
Brought to you by: "I have no plan, planners." The best comics make it in comedy by using "I have no plan."
Timmy FreeWAY: An Official Travel Blog of NYC Comic: Timmy Daniels. Published every Friday @ 3PM. Travel Hacks, Life Hacks, & Sorted Stories
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Free Doughnut Day!
Question:
A holiday began in 1938 when the Salvation Army wanted to honor the volunteers who passed out food to soldiers fighting on the front lines of WWI.
The food: A super nutritious doughnut. Or two. Now the holiday is: Dunkin' Donuts' / Krispy Kreme National Doughnut Day! Of course.
This June 7th, which if you are reading this... is today since that's when I set it to post... go get yourself a free doughnut. And then walk 25 miles to burn the calories.
Available:
Dunkin' Donuts (with any drink)
Krispy Kreme (completely free)
A holiday began in 1938 when the Salvation Army wanted to honor the volunteers who passed out food to soldiers fighting on the front lines of WWI.
The food: A super nutritious doughnut. Or two. Now the holiday is: Dunkin' Donuts' / Krispy Kreme National Doughnut Day! Of course.
This June 7th, which if you are reading this... is today since that's when I set it to post... go get yourself a free doughnut. And then walk 25 miles to burn the calories.
Available:
Dunkin' Donuts (with any drink)
Krispy Kreme (completely free)
Free Booze TODAY June 7th - 'Nuff Said
Do you want to find out how to get some free booze? Today? June 7th, 2013?
Sorry. I don't know how.
But this person does:
Free Well Drinks
Seems like a nice little carrotcake, this person.
Stay Alert my bunnies,
Timmy Daniels
Comedian
Sorry. I don't know how.
But this person does:
Free Well Drinks
Seems like a nice little carrotcake, this person.
Stay Alert my bunnies,
Timmy Daniels
Comedian
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
It's a Free World Order: The Art of Craig's List
There's an art called Craig's list?
Well, no. But there should be. You should have an assignment to create "art" with five free items you find on Craig's list. And I bet... you'd get thousands for the effort.
In NYC there's something missing. What? Why I aughta.....!
Okay, there cranberry muffin, I'll walk it to you... it's okay... Yes: There's something missing. "What, pray tell, is it Timmy?"
First: Don't say "pray tell," it confuses me. Like soy milk. And cheese parties. Second: Yes, there is something missing and it's... space. People don't have much space around the city. So what happens when you have people all crammed into small spaces with no where to put things? You end up with free like-new sofas; I know that much. Not to mention the fact that you end up with free furniture across the board. I mean... have you even seen the free section of Craig's List?
Go ahead then. Have a look then:
Now... careful there skippy. If you see one of these:
Well, no. But there should be. You should have an assignment to create "art" with five free items you find on Craig's list. And I bet... you'd get thousands for the effort.
In NYC there's something missing. What? Why I aughta.....!
Okay, there cranberry muffin, I'll walk it to you... it's okay... Yes: There's something missing. "What, pray tell, is it Timmy?"
First: Don't say "pray tell," it confuses me. Like soy milk. And cheese parties. Second: Yes, there is something missing and it's... space. People don't have much space around the city. So what happens when you have people all crammed into small spaces with no where to put things? You end up with free like-new sofas; I know that much. Not to mention the fact that you end up with free furniture across the board. I mean... have you even seen the free section of Craig's List?
Go ahead then. Have a look then:
Now... careful there skippy. If you see one of these:
Go ahead and catch your breath. They will just send you an exe file and tell you how cool the truck is if you just click on it. Um... I hear. I'd never be that stupid myself. I'm savvy. Like bread. Huh? I know what savvy means.
But, my little blueberry-butter pancakes, if you see this:
...Go ahead and pick up your new piano.
Problem is... where are you gonna put it? Think it through before you go get your free sofa.
Stay with me. For a while.
And, if you will...
Stay alert.
Timmy Daniels. "He's alright"
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
The Free Press, Free
Welcome to:
VS
I bought a paper in New York City once and I didn't read or even look at it for a week. The cost was ... I don't know. Something!? My point is: why? Why would you pay for a newspaper in New York City? Everything is free here, remember? You've been tuning in weekly right? Donating to the good fight?
Now you're learning. Now, I'm NOT saying to stop supporting your local newspaper. Coming from a jouralistic background I say that if you are spending $5 on a coffee... go the extra mile there champ and pay 50 cents with your left-over pocket change and support a dying business. But if you're like me and you just walked into a bank only for the free coffee... we should talk.
Now that we're all on the same newspaper page, let's dance. Okay...
There are a ton of free newspapers in the city. In all cites. In Tampa, even the main newspapers also created free versions. One was called TBT and was great. In NYC, there seems like one per 10 blocks. The best? The NYC Metro and AMNY. The New York City Metro recently had an article about how they were read by like 1.5 million people or so. That's based on my zero memory of numbers, but you get the banana.
The best thing about the free papers, honestly... is that there is less reading, more activity. And, might I add: MORE FREE STUFF. Honestly, if you want to stay up-to-date on what's free in the city, honestly, there's no better consistent place to look than the paper.
Especially because it catered to a younger crowd and sums up the news.
So walk up to an Orange Metro stand and pull one out today and heck, take the AMNY too while you're at it. They are all over the place. All the cool kids are reading them. Are you?
That being said... how would you like to read the Sunday New York Times... for free? It's $5 on Sunday and $6 elsewhere and has probably $10,000 worth of coupons (again: based on my zero ability with numbers). How about Monday... you know... at 7-8pm when you were going to get around to reading it anyway. Sure... then just go to a little park located on the corner of Broadway and 31st right by the Jersey subway. One of those corners will have all of the throw-away Sunday papers. Don't say I didn't feed ya baby kittens.
Stay on it. And stay safe. But mostly...
Stay alert.
Timmy Daniels
VS
I bought a paper in New York City once and I didn't read or even look at it for a week. The cost was ... I don't know. Something!? My point is: why? Why would you pay for a newspaper in New York City? Everything is free here, remember? You've been tuning in weekly right? Donating to the good fight?
Now you're learning. Now, I'm NOT saying to stop supporting your local newspaper. Coming from a jouralistic background I say that if you are spending $5 on a coffee... go the extra mile there champ and pay 50 cents with your left-over pocket change and support a dying business. But if you're like me and you just walked into a bank only for the free coffee... we should talk.
Now that we're all on the same newspaper page, let's dance. Okay...
There are a ton of free newspapers in the city. In all cites. In Tampa, even the main newspapers also created free versions. One was called TBT and was great. In NYC, there seems like one per 10 blocks. The best? The NYC Metro and AMNY. The New York City Metro recently had an article about how they were read by like 1.5 million people or so. That's based on my zero memory of numbers, but you get the banana.
The best thing about the free papers, honestly... is that there is less reading, more activity. And, might I add: MORE FREE STUFF. Honestly, if you want to stay up-to-date on what's free in the city, honestly, there's no better consistent place to look than the paper.
Especially because it catered to a younger crowd and sums up the news.
So walk up to an Orange Metro stand and pull one out today and heck, take the AMNY too while you're at it. They are all over the place. All the cool kids are reading them. Are you?
That being said... how would you like to read the Sunday New York Times... for free? It's $5 on Sunday and $6 elsewhere and has probably $10,000 worth of coupons (again: based on my zero ability with numbers). How about Monday... you know... at 7-8pm when you were going to get around to reading it anyway. Sure... then just go to a little park located on the corner of Broadway and 31st right by the Jersey subway. One of those corners will have all of the throw-away Sunday papers. Don't say I didn't feed ya baby kittens.
Stay on it. And stay safe. But mostly...
Stay alert.
Timmy Daniels
Free Glass of Booze, Anyone?
I'm kidding. Oh wait. No... I'm not.
Please go to This Link for details.
Don't say I play around. Say I stay alert.
Timmy Daniels - "helping with your buzz"
Stay alert.
Please go to This Link for details.
 |
| Timmy Daniels says: Free What? Free huh? Keep talking. |
Don't say I play around. Say I stay alert.
Timmy Daniels - "helping with your buzz"
Stay alert.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
Trashy Much? Yes; Yes, I Do
I had a dear friend in my party days who was an interesting man. He looked like Tom Petty and partied like Keith Richards and knew fun like Hunter S Thompson. And he could handle his substances like a champ. He was (and still is) a good man. He was generous, had many things, and was above all: fun and always giving. How did a dude who partied like punk overlords afford to give away a stream of wonderful things like guitars and hats and nicknacks? Read on, my rasberry-apple slurpies...
[Or for you younger puppies: Partied like Justin Bieber. Whoever's responsible for that mess, now's the time to act. Who wants to read about an embryo strutting around like a rock musician while making pop-love songs about pre-teens and looking like a caricature of a Hasbro Boy Band action figure.]
My buddy Tom Petty (Let's just call him Paco) had (and still has) a great place to just hang out, play the guitar and have fun. He always had access to money, party material, and good times. His house looked like your average house of the hoarder... but it was filled with wonderfully interesting things. There were mechanical beetles, lion statues, handheld video games of all sorts and sizes, tools, vintage clothing which you could try on and take if you wanted. There were also hats of all kinds and sizes, which he would give to you if you tried one on and liked it (I often did). It was seriously endless. And fun.
Once, he came back home and needed help with some chairs which were vintage, a giant sword, and a big screen TV. Where did he get these things? Not at the store.
He got them in the trash.
Or from someone closing down a yard sale. But alas: someone threw them out and he took them in; and you would never be able to tell the difference of those and things he bought.
Now. I hear what you're not saying out loud. You're saying: "Timmy... you've slipped on a doggie turd, man: that's just crazy talk."
Not really. Why? The stigma? Fear? Weirdness? Nothing at all is weird about it, I assure you. If someone is having a garage sale... and it's the end of the day... and they say: "You know what sir... if you can just haul away that dresser that I just bought but my wife didn't like..." (this actually happened to me in college) "...then I'll tell you what: It's Free." Now... what if I had seen that same exact new dresser just an hour later... when he had haplessly dragged it to the curb and put a "free" sign on it. THEN would I be a dirtbag for grabbing it? Just when exactly does it get weird to take something that another person doesn't want? If I offered you a $20 bill, you would take it, right? But I'm assuming if I said instead: I don't want this... anyone can have it... and threw that $20 on top a garbage can... you wouldn't?
[Or for you younger puppies: Partied like Justin Bieber. Whoever's responsible for that mess, now's the time to act. Who wants to read about an embryo strutting around like a rock musician while making pop-love songs about pre-teens and looking like a caricature of a Hasbro Boy Band action figure.]
My buddy Tom Petty (Let's just call him Paco) had (and still has) a great place to just hang out, play the guitar and have fun. He always had access to money, party material, and good times. His house looked like your average house of the hoarder... but it was filled with wonderfully interesting things. There were mechanical beetles, lion statues, handheld video games of all sorts and sizes, tools, vintage clothing which you could try on and take if you wanted. There were also hats of all kinds and sizes, which he would give to you if you tried one on and liked it (I often did). It was seriously endless. And fun.
Once, he came back home and needed help with some chairs which were vintage, a giant sword, and a big screen TV. Where did he get these things? Not at the store.
He got them in the trash.
Or from someone closing down a yard sale. But alas: someone threw them out and he took them in; and you would never be able to tell the difference of those and things he bought.
Now. I hear what you're not saying out loud. You're saying: "Timmy... you've slipped on a doggie turd, man: that's just crazy talk."
Not really. Why? The stigma? Fear? Weirdness? Nothing at all is weird about it, I assure you. If someone is having a garage sale... and it's the end of the day... and they say: "You know what sir... if you can just haul away that dresser that I just bought but my wife didn't like..." (this actually happened to me in college) "...then I'll tell you what: It's Free." Now... what if I had seen that same exact new dresser just an hour later... when he had haplessly dragged it to the curb and put a "free" sign on it. THEN would I be a dirtbag for grabbing it? Just when exactly does it get weird to take something that another person doesn't want? If I offered you a $20 bill, you would take it, right? But I'm assuming if I said instead: I don't want this... anyone can have it... and threw that $20 on top a garbage can... you wouldn't?
Another thing is just before people throw things out is the place to act. Have you even SEEN the "free" NYC section in Craig's List? You'll never wanna buy something again. Please do though --> it is a Capatalist society after-all. Go consumerism. But the best consumers price out and rock beats scissors, free beats paid.
Let's all fess up. We've all had that moment. That moment when you look at something at the side of a curb and you go: "What the what? Why are they throwing that away. " Well... here's something cool: If you are a visitor you may not know this, but in NYC, there's people pulling things from the trash constantly for millions of reasons. People in suits casually pull a paper off the top of the trash to give a quick read and then set it back down. Bums circle the trash like buzzards. When it rains, someone may take a broken umbrella set to the side of a can because it works, but one side droops due to a wind gust. And it goes on....
There is such limited space here that the most common thing I see: Suitcases. I have a samsonite myself... you? Where'd I get it? Park Avenue. Next to the curb. The person that set it out there KNEW someone wanted it. So he even took the time to set it close enough to the trash to let you "know," but not so close that anything got on it. And that's just how it goes in NYC.
Listen: Get over yourself. It's not a big deal. Now I'm not saying to put on some gloves and look for a meal here. But if there's something next to the trash, chances are good that someone is glad that you took it and it didn't go to the waste dump. They set it on the trash instead of in for a reason. Do them a favor and go ahead and take it.
I'm gonna keep using my Samsonite, backpack, and last-season scarves (a store had a "free" box) and carry on. And I'm gonna finish this sandwich.
That I bought. Now you're just getting weird with it, foodies.
Stay Happy, Stay Away from the Train Tracks... and please...
Stay Alert.
Timmy Daniels
The TimmyFreeWay
Let's all fess up. We've all had that moment. That moment when you look at something at the side of a curb and you go: "What the what? Why are they throwing that away. " Well... here's something cool: If you are a visitor you may not know this, but in NYC, there's people pulling things from the trash constantly for millions of reasons. People in suits casually pull a paper off the top of the trash to give a quick read and then set it back down. Bums circle the trash like buzzards. When it rains, someone may take a broken umbrella set to the side of a can because it works, but one side droops due to a wind gust. And it goes on....
There is such limited space here that the most common thing I see: Suitcases. I have a samsonite myself... you? Where'd I get it? Park Avenue. Next to the curb. The person that set it out there KNEW someone wanted it. So he even took the time to set it close enough to the trash to let you "know," but not so close that anything got on it. And that's just how it goes in NYC.
Listen: Get over yourself. It's not a big deal. Now I'm not saying to put on some gloves and look for a meal here. But if there's something next to the trash, chances are good that someone is glad that you took it and it didn't go to the waste dump. They set it on the trash instead of in for a reason. Do them a favor and go ahead and take it.
I'm gonna keep using my Samsonite, backpack, and last-season scarves (a store had a "free" box) and carry on. And I'm gonna finish this sandwich.
That I bought. Now you're just getting weird with it, foodies.
Stay Happy, Stay Away from the Train Tracks... and please...
Stay Alert.
Timmy Daniels
The TimmyFreeWay
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